Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
