new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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