I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize