Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize