Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
