She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
