I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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