if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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