Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
