while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
