Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
