She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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