Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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