stop calling my apartment porn island.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
