I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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