3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
