Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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