I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
