Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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