I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
