Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
