Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
