when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
