I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
