Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
