I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
