I like my sex mixed with concussions.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
