i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
