How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
