its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
