How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
