you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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