Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
