We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
