3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
