I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
