I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
