Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
