You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
