There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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