Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize