You work out of a Hotel?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
