Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
