Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize