jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
