he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
