Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
