What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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