I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
