I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
