I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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