My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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