every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
