So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
