At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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