just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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