I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm getting married
To pizza
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
