I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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