you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
