I want to stick my p in your. b.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
